Mall Santa, Try Harder

There is ketchup in his beard
And his stare is very weird
It's becoming very clear that he's not
Quite what we'd anticipated

Mall Santa, please try harder
All the kids are depending on you
Hanging all of their dreams upon you
Don't crush their hopes, I beg you
Mall Santa, try a little bit harder
See the young ones standing here
Terrified and close to tears
Oh, please just do your job like you're supposed to

Mall Santa

There's a guy who lives at the North Pole
He's a caring, merry, gentle soul
Parents watch with half a mind to sue
'Cause that guy is blatantly not you

How were you ever hired?
Is your life that bad?
Are you like this every day?
Hungover and tired
Can't you sit up straight today?
Come on

Mall Santa, please try harder
All the kids are depending on you
Hanging all of their dreams upon you
Don't crush their hopes, I beg you
Mall Santa, try a little bit harder
See the young ones standing here
Terrified and close to tears
Oh, please just do your job like you're supposed to

Mall Santa

You only seem to care about yourself
They paid to see a happy, jolly elf
How each day are you invited back?
If it was up to me, I'd give you the sack

Slouched there in the corner
With a voice so gruff
Liquor lingering on your tongue
With somebody's daughter
I wouldn't let my kid near you
But come on

Mall Santa, please try harder
All the kids are depending on you
Hanging all of their dreams upon you
Don't crush their hopes, I beg you
Mall Santa, try a little bit harder
See the young ones standing here
Terrified and close to tears
Oh, please just do your job like you're supposed to

Mall Santa
Mall Santa